Nobody but the parties involved in the specific relationship can provide a definitive answer to this question because only you know what does and doesn’t make you happy. However in my opinion, there are ways that even the most love blind sucker can tell it’s time to call it a day.
1. The attraction is GONE. I don’t mean it’s going, I don’t mean it’s not as strong as it was, I mean GONE. Like he makes your skin crawl, don’t want him to touch you, would rather shit in your hands and clap than be intimate with him, don’t think he’s cute any more and dread what your kids will look like. Yeah if you feel like this, that spark probably ain’t coming back…time to keep it pushing.
2. You fight MORE than you laugh. Couples are going to fight, you wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t. It’s a given. However when you spend more time fighting than you do laughing and enjoying eachothers conversation and company then something isn’t right. What is the point in that? What are you even holding on to, it’s not even like you have fun with eachother anymore.
3. EVERYTHING is a fight or an argument. Whilst it’s normal to argue and fight, it’s not normal for small things, big things, all things to cause it to get heated. If it does it means you’re no longer communicating. Whilst this can be fixed, both parties have to really want to fix it and usually it’s this way because either one or both are not as invested as they were.
4. You (or him/her) look elsewhere for affection/happiness. Do I even need to explain this one? If you entertain outsiders in order to get your fill of affection, if you rely on someone else to make you laugh for the day or even to have a worthwhile conversation with then it’s probably over.
5. They damage your self esteem. So I hate the smart asses who are like “It’s called SELF esteem how can someone else damage it”, because they’re just trying to be smart with a play on words. The truth is, although it is about how you feel about yourself; outside influences change for the better and for the worse how you feel about yourself. You’re human. How other people react to you, treat you, speak to you, see you, matters when you care about the opinions of those people so if you’re with someone who negatively impacts that…ask yourself why?
6. You don’t want the same things. This one is always subject to change because people change. People who said they didn’t want kids at the start of the relationship, may well want kids when they fall in love and vice verse. However if you’re with someone and it’s long term and the things you want differ wildly; maybe you need to sit down and work it out because whilst that might change over the duration of your relationship it also may not and then you’ve invested years and years and years with someone who will never provide what you want.
7. You’re reading this and your mental checklist is full of ticks... The thing is I could go on all day with signs and reasons as to why you might be in the wrong relationship, with the wrong person, at the wrong time, but let’s be honest. You didn’t really need to read this to know you’re situation needs changing one way or another.
I’ve searched all sorts of things when I’ve been in a strange place within my relationships, but not because I’m trying to find the answers online but rather because I’m trying to find the courage to dig out the answers I know I already have. There’s something comforting about knowing you’re not on your own… that someone else is going through the same shit, that someone elses boyfriend makes them feel like shit.
All relationships are not meant to last. Some relationships are put in your life to teach you how to be better for the next person, sometimes you’re the teacher and sometimes the student…x