Before you lay down and create life with a man … make sure you really know that man, and I mean REALLY know him. Like bestfriend, boyfriend, my stunt double kind of know him. Once you know him inside out, you make the decision whether or not he’ll be good to your kids… not you – your kids, and then you either go ‘head of go home. I’m guilty of this shit. I had a baby with someone because I loved him, and he ‘said’ he loved me … I’m now a single mother with a 7 month old baby so please believe me when I say ‘love’ is the least of what’s important when you decide to have a baby with a man.
When I say not all men are fit to be fathers, it may just be momentarily, it may be indefinitely. But for example my sons dad is just not ready to be his father, when he is ready he will be an awesome father to whoever he has kids with at the time but as of now? He isn’t ready.
These are what I think is important:
1. Dependability. Can you depend on him? Is he there when you need him, in your deepest and darkest hour; was he a good a man to you? Not only you, but his closest friends, his family, the people he puts on a pedal stool?
2. Loyalty. A loyal man will stick by the people he respects the most throughout everything. If he respects you the most and he’s loyal, he’ll be there.
3. PRIDE. I say pride because children are the proudest moments in a parents life, when they learn new things, when they smile, when people gush around them about how beautiful they are; the proudest moments in my life are from my son and men who are proud of the things they love will be proudest of their kids.
4. Reliability. A good father is a reliable one. One that does what he says he’s going to do when he says he’s going to do it. If he says he will be round at 8. He will be round at 8. He doesn’t let his kids down purposely.
5. Unselfish. THIS is one of THE most important things in the world. You know when you see a man and he is just so giving, so helpful. Always helping people out, that man that will give you his last £1, even if he really needs it. To be a parent is to be incredibly unselfish, if you can’t be unselfish, you cannot have children because once you have kids; every last thing is about them.
6.Humble. A father is a humble man because parenting teaches you that in fact there are a lot of things you don’t know about life, a lot of shit you need to learn and also it reminds you that you are not the most important person in the world for this life you have created, is the only thing that is truly important in your universe.
Those above, are just some of the things I think we should be considering before we have kids with a ma. Seriously we take this decision too lightly, I know some women spend more time in Kurt Geiger deliberating over a pair of shoes than they do getting to know the man they are having kids with. Sometimes we fall in love and yeah we have kids, shit happens, we make the best out of a bad situation; but the only person that suffers when you have kids with a man who is not fit to be a father… is your child.
Take time, do your homework; but do the most to limit your childs hurt and suffering later on because let’s face it … fathers are important!