In my honest opinion, the biggest mistake anyone can ever make when it comes to love isn’t what people might say are the obvious things. The obvious things being things like falling in love with the bad boy, or with the player, or falling in love too quickly, etc… yeah I get why those things are critical mistakes when it comes to the affairs of the heart, but there’s something even more deadly than that and it’s something I’m guilty of.
The biggest mistake you can ever make in love, is falling in love with potential.
I’ve briefly touched on how deeply I fall for potential before but someone who has known me for near enough 7 years reminded me of the fact the other day and I haven’t been able to shake it’s relevance to my life.
It’s no secret that I fall in love with potential, I fall in love with how incredible I perceive someones mind to be by the sheer innocence of their words. I fall in love with their passion to exceed everything that they have been taught is their limit. I fall in love with their ability to make me, someone who is confident and secure with my own potential, nervous and humbled. I fall in love when my inner being connects with another inner being and I fall in love with knowing that someone could be a game changer in the world if they only knew it enough to apply their efforts to the right things. I fall in love with who I know you can be long before you are aware of exactly who and what that is.
“But how do you know they will become the things you expect of them?” – people ask…
The answer is I don’t and that’s exactly why I fall in love with their potential to be those things, rather than the end product that has already become those things. Falling in love with their potential means that my soul, my heart, my mind, knows truly how great one could potentially be and it is that person that keeps me captivated.
Why is this so dangerous?
Because most likely you fell in love on a deeper level than emotional…most likely you fell in love on a mental level. You fell in love with the way their mind works, the genius behind their words, the passion in the way they speak… most likely you fell in love with things that if you were right about their potential, will develop and blossom as they do.
What does that mean?
It means that time, doesn’t necessarily drive you apart as it does when you only have an emotional connection. When you fell in love with someones potential, the closer they get to the person you knew they could always be, the stronger your connection will get and whilst in some cases that works in your favour, situations permitting… in most it doesn’t. And so you are left with feelings just as strong, if not stronger than you once had, the only difference being that whilst time has driven your lives apart, it hasn’t driven your minds, hearts and soul apart and now you’re stuck. You’re stuck between wanting the person you campaigned for in your mind for so long,to waltz back into your life and pick up where they left off, whether it be friendship or more; and being overwhelmed by old feelings that leave you feeling head over heels in something that doesn’t make sense to the logical mind, because how can you still feel this way after so long?
I’ll tell you how you can feel that way after so long…
When you fall in love with potential… your feelings will always go on hold until the next time. The next time is the deal breaker. If that person is still full of the potential you saw, or has become exactly what you suspected they would; then your feelings are most likely going to pick up where they left off and in full force. However if that persons potential has wilted and succumbed to the expectations of ‘society’ then you’re most likely going to experience the opposite… disappointment.
If you can’t fall in love with the person they are right now before you, then now isn’t the time.
I’m done falling in love with potential on a romantic level.
Much too risky for next to no reward.