Wanna Know WHY He Treats You Like Shit?

… Because he can.

Chances are that even though you knew that was the answer, you came here on your long winded journey for some deep list that would put your mind at ease and reassure you that it will change and he will learn to appreciate you and he loves you and blah blah blah and not to forget the things that if you could only manage to change would improve everything…

Right or right?

Yeah well all of that is bullshit. Whilst there may be other reasons as to why he started treating you like shit…the reason he CONTINUES to treat you like shit is because he can. He gets away with it, he’s gotten away with it for so long that it has almost become learned behaviour and once that behaviour has been learned it doesn’t get unlearned. At least I’ve never seen it get unlearned. Does that mean he will treat other women as badly as he treats you? No. Will he talk to them with as much disrespect as he talks to you with? No not necessarily! Why? Because his learned behaviours are not going to be the same across the board. If he has learned that the other women in his life, before or after you are not going to tolerate his bullshit and there is no room in their relationship for the disrespect then one of two things is going to happen…either she’s going to kick him out of her life or he is going to come correct.

In my humble opinion…if the disrespect has just begun; nip that shit in the bud. Maybe he’s still testing the waters to see how much he can actually get away with and if that’s the case then you have time to get him to come correct, let him know you’re not having it and if he’s not going to come correct he’s got to come out your life. However if it’s been an ongoing thing, going on for quite some time; that shit ain’t changing. You have two options. You can keep kidding yourself that he will get it one day and he’s getting better bit by bit or you can keep it pushing, leave him to be someone elses problem and be with someone who is actually going to treat you how you deserve to be treated.

The choice is honestly yours.


Know When to Tap Out!

There is one lesson that will be a life changing lesson if you can learn it… sooner than later at that! The sooner this lesson can be learned, the less tears, the less pain, the less money spent, the less time wasted. I swear to you.

So what’s the lesson?

Know when to tap the fuck out!

If you don’t know when to tap out in life, you will endure so much bull shit that you needn’t have. This relates to every aspect of your life, not any one area specifically; but everything and that’s what makes it so important. Knowing when to tap out is not the same as quitting. People are so terrified of being considered a quitter that they end up attaching themselves to toxic situations and confusing that for some sort of loyalty.

The first mistake you can make is keeping something that is negative in your life, something that doesn’t add any value to your life and thinking that you are allowing that negativity to remain in place because you are loyal. It’s not loyalty. Complacency? Yes. Weakness? Yes. Stupidity? Yes. Comfort? Yes. But loyalty it is not. Loyalty requires such strong footing because it requires you to stand up for or next to something even when it is easier to walk away from that something. And what you are doing is quite the opposite, you’re keeping something in your life because staying and keeping it around feels easier than walking away.

The key to happiness is so fucking simple that it gets overlooked. I’m guilty of not taking my own advice but here it is. If something doesn’t make you happy, if something doesn’t add any value to your life, if something feels like a negative dark black cloud that just rains on your parade and never lets the sun shine through… tap the fuck out. Let it go. Kiss it goodbye, grieve it’s loss if you need to and keep it pushing because you will never get back the time you wasted on bullshit.

Know when something is a waste of time, and learn how to separate that from the things that are investments. Don’t be scared to crack out the pen and paper and work that shit out, but be honest with yourself and be fair to yourself…if it’s not, accept the fact and be on to the next!


Time for Change!

I just sat here for the last 2 hours and read through as many of my old blogs as I could…shit how funny is it that you can revisit situations that you were once so passionate about and feel absolutely nothing? No pain…no happiness…nothing. Just dead like you were reading something totally unrelated yourself. Shit’s crazy!

Anyway I decided to go through my blog and delete all the things that I felt were no longer my story to tell. My son is a person, everything that relates to him that came before him became his became some time ago and I feel disappointed in myself that I never realised that there were people in the world who would take that information and use it to his detriment. I don’t even think people mean to do it, I mean most people wouldn’t want to negatively impact an innocent child but nevertheless it’s still done. Honestly I didn’t realise people gave a shit about my life, about things I post, about my personal affairs; but I guess there are some sad nobodies who must lead extremely pathetic lives to care about mine!

It doesn’t hurt me that people talk about my situation. Let’s be real, I put it up on here for the world to see and I don’t regret it because I know my pain was therapeutic for a lot of people including myself. When I say therapeutic I don’t mean they took pleasure in my pain, I just mean a lot of people found comfort in not being alone with their pain and I find comfort in that!

Either way, I decided to take things people could use against my son and my family down. The problem is people read this shit and think they know me, they talk about my situations with such confidence that it’s almost creepy!

So if it was you…then this was all done in your honour… you happy? x

Are You Ready To Move In Together

If the answer to ANY of the following questions is NO then that’s also your answer…

1 – Are you financially stable? You don’t need to be balling out of control, but are you able to pay your own way?

2 – Is he/she financially stable? See above

3 – Have you been away together for at least a week? Stayed in the same hotel room, had some insight into how the other lives?

4 – Are you secure in your relationship? No trust issues, happy, not worried about outside influence?

If the answer to any of the above is NO. Then NO you’re not ready to live together in my honest opinion and here’s why.

To me, the biggest mistake you can make above all else is to move in with someone or move someone in with you when the BOTH of you are not financially secure as individuals. It’s all good you being financially secure, or your partner being financially secure but if there isn’t harmony on that front BEFORE you take the step to do something as huge as moving in with eachother then you’re setting yourself up for failure. It’s known that finance is one of the biggest strain causes for relationships, even when people have their shit together; so imagine how horrendous it will get when one of you is eating food they don’t have the means to bring to the table.

Going away with your partner is a great way to find out exactly who they are by how they live. If you’re a neat freak and they’re not, you’re going to notice at some point. Whilst it may seem really trivial to be that concerned about seemingly small things “oh she leaves her shit everywhere”, it’s not because it’s an indication of how she lives. If you are polar opposites; no it’s not impossible for it to work out in a living arrangement but at least you know what you’re going into and you can be prepared.

Security. People think that when you move in with someone that will eradicate insecurities and fears you have about where they are and what they’re doing. WRONG. It actually does the opposite. Why? Because all that will happen is every time that person leaves the house, stays out a little late, doesn’t come home when they said, took too long to get home from work; it will send your mind on a wild goose chase. Trust cannot be built by force. Moving in with someone to attempt to build trust is force because no matter what if you don’t trust that person, when they leave the house that doubt will always be there!

Plus moving in with someone makes the relationship seem so much older than it’s years. 3 years feels like 15years and when you’re young and still have a lot of living to do, that breeds resentment and a relationship that was otherwise perfect, otherwise meant to be…can fall flat on it’s face because you took it somewhere it wasn’t ready to be!