Becoming a mother has taught me so much about everything. About the people around me, about life, about working, about money but most importantly about myself. You learn things when you become a parent, things you would never have the pleasure of learning otherwise. I say pleasure because knowledge is power in every form.
Even at the brand new age of 18 months, I’m sure my boy has TRULY been angered by me at some stage. It happens frequently. Why? Because I have to tell him what to do, what is best for him and that isn’t always what he wants to do. Infact usually it isn’t. At this age, it’s “eat your dinner” or “brush your teeth”, but that will change to “you’re not going out” or “do your homework” … the actions may change but the sentiment never will. I only instruct him to do the things he doesn’t want to do because I have his best interests at heart!
Being my first child, I have showered him with gifts, toys and clothes … more than he actually needs and more than he understands, because I never want him to want for anything. But realistically one thing that I have truly learned over the last 18 months is that yes he likes his toys and of course he looks cute in his new clothes and his £45 jordans that only last a month, maybe 2 at most… but what he loves the most is the time we spend together. The time I take out of my day, away from all the things that he doesn’t understand are for him (working, building a legacy I can leave to him to take care of him when I am no longer here) and play with him, kick a ball, read a book, lay with him when I put him to sleep, brush our teeth together, let him help me cook… those things are priceless and when I’m gone… those are the things he will remember.
EVERY little thing I do, I consider my son first and foremost. If it in ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM would be detrimental to him, it doesn’t happen. Even down to whether or not I should go out. The last time I went out with my friends, I couldn’t tell you … all my time is his and that is simply because I spend so much time building my business and focusing on creating a company that is going to timeless, that the free time I do have; is his in its entirety.
The hardest, easiest, most amazing thing I have ever done with my life is be a mother to this fantastic little person … but when I am not holding him, physically with him, my mind never rests easy because at that moment I cannot guarantee the safety of the person that IS my life. I feel lost without him, I feel complete with him.
Speaks for itself? I see so many women fighting men to be in the lives of their kids and I applaud them because they are totally right, a man made the child and therefore he should be forced to take responsibility and care for that child… but me? I don’t have it in me. I cannot fight anybody to be involved because raising this little boy should not be a battle field. I know what it’s like living in a battle field where parents are at each others throats and the air is always full of tension. I promised myself my children would never have that and that promise I will honour. If someone wants out, I will let them leave.