Cheating … Is either party truly excused?

Funny that this subject should come up, when I’m finally in a relationship with a man who treats me with respect fit for a queen, but it did and it really made me think.

So here’s the scoop. My guy is genuinely the life and soul of his social circle, he’s very respected locally, very well known, bubbly, outgoing and has banter for days; so naturally females flock to wherever he is with compliments and fluttering eyelashes. Shit is funny to me … most of the time. Not because I have a false sense of security but because I truly believe he knows what he has here (our family) isn’t something he ever wants to lose and he KNOWS that if I ever found out he had been less than loyal to me, I’d be out like a light in a squat. I’ve put up with too much bullshit in past relationships to even consider putting up with anyone who is untrustworthy.

Anyway so recently a female threw herself at him, partially his fault because he was maybe a little too friendly for my liking; so she took that and ran with it. Ran with it all the way onto my damn nerves, then rented a hotel on my nerves and threw a fucking party on them. You get how irritated I was?

Well I decided that I wasn’t letting this one slide, I let a lot of shit slide and this wasn’t about to slide on out like it was nothing. Mainly because I felt disrespected. This girl had seen pictures plastered all over social media sites of our family unit, had liked pictures of me, had liked pictures of our family and then this is what killed me… had liked pictures of my son. How you gonna like pictures of my family unit with one hand, and then with the other hand try and tear that shit apart?

Nah I’m not gonna go for it!

So I messaged her and basically let her know that bitch I see you!

She hit me back with some generic shit about how why was I coming at her when I should be coming at him.

I’ll be real, she had me for a minute.

And then that minute was gone and I remembered what my real issue was. I remembered what my real issue was and I gave that shit to her straight, no chaser. I said

Don’t worry about him, I’ll handle that. But you. Woman to woman, or woman to little girl; however you want to receive it. I get it, you have no loyalty to me; why should you? If a married man wants to wine you and dine you and then crawl on back to his family, well then that’s his wifes problem right? Wrong. It’s your problem. Because all you’re doing is reiterating that you aren’t SHIT. Let me tell you this, the only woman that eats off another womans plate is a woman with no means to get a plate of her own.

And I hit send, and I ain’t heard back from that bitch since. All of this truly made me think. We for some reason seem to relinquish people from the responsibility of the trauma caused when they engage in extra marital relations. I say extra marital and I mean all things outside of your relationship, doesn’t have to be marriage. But I don’t understand why we do that. We hear all the time, that if your man cheats or strays, then don’t ever come after the woman; only ever come after him. Well I stick as many middle fingers as I can find up to that sentiment because it’s nonsense. When a woman knows that a man has a woman, a wife, a girlfriend, a family or whatever and she continues to pursue him; she cosigns on the blame. I’m sorry. I don’t care if that bitch don’t know me, she knew OF me and to me that too is disrespectful.

So I reiterate… if a woman (or man) KNOWINGLY pursues a man who has a family, a girlfriend, a wife or whatever, WHEN his stupid ass gets caught out, she cannot plead the fucking fifth. SHE too should be read completely because she too disrespected the fuck outta you.

And that …

Is all ! xx

5 Things I’ve Learnt Since Becoming A Mum…

Becoming a parent is an insanely turbulent journey, from the day you find out and consistently throughout bringing up your child. Every single day I learn something new, without fail; either about myself, my son or the world we live in. It’s not always a lesson I want to learn, but regardless of the fact I always do.

So what are the five things that stand out the most?

1. I am responsible for the person he is currently and in turn for the person he becomes. A lot of parents won’t agree, a lot of people will say things like “I can’t control the things my child does when I am not there”, those parents fail to realise that the things your child considers right or wrong, are a result of their parenting. Does this mean that good home training, and instilling values and morals in your child will guarantee they always do the right thing? NO, of course not. But when we take time to mould our children, teach them right from wrong and drill respect into them; it makes THEIR journey a little easier. Maybe not yours, but definitely theirs.

2. Respect outweighs Fear massively. Fear is temporary. Respect (for the right reasons) is usually permanent. For example, when I shout at my son for doing something he shouldn’t have done, yes he cries, yes he gets upset…but how long is that going to have that effect? Not long because eventually he’s going to realise that he has no reason to fear me. When people fear you, that leaves room for them to challenge you. Once the person that fears you comes to terms with the fact that you are only human just like they are … that fear will disappear and your position of authority is up for grabs. If my son respects me, as long as I continue to be the figure that he admires; that respect will always remain in place. Naive? Maybe.

3. Children are people, who have feelings. This one sounds ridiculous but before I had a child I believed I would be rigid, operating a “do as I say not as I do” regime in my household, and whilst to some degree it is like that and will always be, I believe it is important to treat your child as a person, an individual who deserves respect and the right to an opinion. When people treat their children like their feelings don’t matter, they create resentment within the home.

4. He teaches me, just as much as I teach him. You think you will never learn anything from a child? You’re wrong. Children are so honest, and desperate to learn that often their thirst for knowledge brings yours to the forefront of your mind. Just as you are helping them learn, their wonderful innocence does the same for you.

5. You will never understand the love a parent has … until you are one.

I have loved becoming a parent, and I love being a parent every single day. Is he a little challenging at times? Of course, he’s an intelligent two year old who is desperate to be better today than he was yesterday without even knowing it.

Enjoy your babies; they are precious but definitely not babies for long! x

Panic Room

My Panic Room… that’s exactly what this blog is to me. Every time things aren’t going right in my life and my emotions are all over the place THIS is always the first place I run to.

I wonder why that is …

Actually, I know exactly why that is. There’s nobody to please here.

I can write what I want, about who I want, and be candid and brutal about how I feel and though I may not have gotten my message to the intended person; it’s still off my shoulders. Never under estimate the relief of removing dead weight from your thoughts. We all carry dead weight around in our minds at some stage, that is unavoidable in my eyes… what we must learn to do is free ourselves from our own mental torture, by learning where our release is. Your release is whatever you need to do in order to take the bull shit that really has no business ruining every day of your life, and dumping it from your trail of thoughts. Some people sing, others meditate … I write.

It’s gone 2 am in the morning and I know my son will be up bright and early in the morning so i really should be asleep too… unfortunately i just don’t have time to ‘release’ tonight. Maybe I’ll find time tomorrow. Hell, I need to find time tomorrow, i’m making myself sick with this shit.


Night guys xx

GUM Clothing …

So one of the projects I’ve been working on silently is GUM clothing.

I love my clothes. I love every aspect of fashion design. I love taking fabric and creating something beautiful out of it; I appreciate the real effort and skill that goes into creating the most simple of garments, things we throw on every day without so much as another thought. I look at what’s on the market at the moment, and know without a shadow of a doubt that what  I have to bring to the table will fill a gap.

It will take some time before I can actually start putting the products I want out there; but I have plans and strategies in place to make it happen…

I thought I’d try something different however, in the form of indiegogo… it’s a crowd fundraising site and hey I have nothing to lose at this point. If it works out, great. If it doesn’t … I’ve lost nothing because this is all in addition to my plans!

Anyway if you could check out the link below and share it if possible that’d be great



Is Unhappiness a State of Mind?

Being emotionally drained is something else entirely.. the recharge only comes when you realise unhappiness is a state of mind; understand that it requires a little selfishness to take the time required to nurture your own state of mind back to a point at which it is capable of creating it’s own happiness as opposed to seeking it from an outside source. Just a thought.♥

^^ I just wrote this for my facebook status… Sunday afternoon, so many issues in my life I don’t dare count them all; often sticking my head in the sand because although I know the problems will still be there when I surface… just for a moment, a lovely beautiful peaceful moment… my problems are non-existent.

I guess I feel stuck at times. Stuck in my own unhappiness and it feels like a curse because although I strongly believe unhappiness is a state of mind and I am a firm believe in mind over matter, I’m also aware that the mind is extremely powerful; just like all powerful things… if you do not know how to use it properly, it can be dangerous. In this sense I mean dangerous as in, if you can’t work out how to get out of your own pit of unhappiness; the mind will tie rocks to your feet, make the walls 100ft tall and put oil on your hands. In other words it will keep you there.

Now, if only I could learn how to use the power of my mind to take situations that feel as though they physically hurt my heart, and make them simple cases of mind over matter…

Another lesson for another day…