It’s Time … I’m Done


Anyone who has been reading my blog, will know that me and my ex (my sons father) have a ridiculous relationship. And by ridiculous relationship I mean he puts in no effort on two occasions, those are when he feels like it and when he feels like he’s losing me. It’s always been that way, nearly since the start so unfortunately I have nobody to point that blaming finger at. If you’ve been reading you’ll also know that he’s abroad, never met his son but I want nothing more than the 3 of us to be together …call me stupid, I really could give a fuck!

But I’m tired … it’s weird cause I’ve felt like “fuck this!” before but I never been so damn ready to walk away in my life. It feels different this time. I’m not ready to walk because I want to see if he’ll fight for me to stay, or to keep his attention, or because I hope it’ll make him start acting right; I’m ready to walk because I am done.

I’ve been trying, understanding, giving, just generally being the overseas stupid ass girl trying to make him give a fuck he just isn’t willing to give. I’m trying to get him to build a relationship with his son – no luck. I’m trying to get him to show me all the things he says and he just won’t. Not because he can’t but because he doesn’t want  to. I been understanding that he’s busy, working hard, training hard, needs to study, go to class, rest up, etc. I BEEN understanding even when his stories don’t add up. Yet he doesn’t understand that I need to see he cares, that his son needs him believe it or not, that I don’t ask for anything from him other than time and love and that I haven’t been getting ANYTHING that I should stay for.

Love alone is not enough, boy do I love that man… I love him I do and I want my son to love him twice as much but I’m done sitting here waiting for a man who says he loves me to show me he does,

I’m tired and it’s time to move on and let him do the same.

*sigh*

I’m not stunning, nor gonna be a doctor and I’m wrong a lot but I always support my man, i’ll always listen, love you and help you grow to be the man YOU wanna be, i’m understanding and i’ll give you my last if you need it, i’m genuine – if that isn’t enough well i’m sorry.

7 comments

  1. uniquevenom · May 1, 2012

    Oh goodness, you’re almost exactly where I am. Fighting so long and hard for someone that resists you at almost every turn. It’s exhausting. We never deserve that. I cannot even begin to imagine what my situation would be like with a child in the mix. But you’re right, sometimes it’s just time to let go, let yourself heal and eventually find the man that deserves everything you have to offer.

    • Kai Scribe · May 1, 2012

      Exhausting … that is the word I been tryna look for for the last 9months! Exhausting … perfect explanation!

      Definitely is time to let go … you letting go too mama? x

      • uniquevenom · May 1, 2012

        I want to say yes. I want to say after the past year that I’ve learned my lesson and I can let go. But just when I think I’m ready, just when I feel like I can… There he is again. Saying everything I’ve wanted to hear for months. I know better, but I can’t quiet that voice, “maybe this time will be different”. …sigh… I’m exhausted.

      • Kai Scribe · May 1, 2012

        Aww bubs, I feel you completely, specially where you said he comes back and tells you everything you want to hear. It sucks, it’s like they do this to keep you exactly where they need you to be so that they can pick you up and drop you as and when they are ready to …

        Frustrating shit!

  2. offdadome · May 1, 2012

    hugs boo, keep pushin’

  3. Cassey222 · May 1, 2012

    One of your pictures says “the day I move on, is the day you’ll realize what you lost.” I just want to remind you it does not matter in the least what ‘they’ realize. It should read, “the day I move on, is the day I know what I got”…

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