It HAS to be ME?…

When you’re constantly faced with the same issues but with different people … surely that means the problem is being born from me?

I’m a firm believer in the thought that if you are experiencing the same issues with all the men/women that enter your life, then the real likely problem is you because it isn’t a coincidence that these people with the same intentions and traits have wormed their way into your life. The truth of the matter is, these people that are causing you such unhappiness are, one in your life because you attracted them and therefore invited them into your life, and secondly and equally as importantly, because you have allowed them to be.

Did you walk around with a sandwich board on your chest that read “if you’re a lying, cheating, using, manipulative, asshole that wants to take advantage of my good nature then call me on …” … No. Well at least I hope not. But indirectly, with your actions, the behaviour you accepted and didn’t correct, with the things you did and didn’t demand, you attracted the person that is behaving in the way you dislike into your life, into your heart and into a space they had no business being in.

At least that’s what I’ve done.

I’ve attracted and allowed someone into my life who in essence, has consistently displayed the same ‘qualities’ (for lack of a better word) as the man before him. Although my most recent partner hasn’t left me with a child on my own, not giving a fuck about whether he eats, has clothes, has a roof over his head, although he hasn’t done that … he still takes me for granted, doesn’t show his appreciation for me and generally does things because he feels like he can get away with it, all things my sons dad did over and over again.

I think it only made sense to me tonight why I’ve ended up with another guy who is so much like the guy who broke my heart, set it on fire and then pissed on it to add insult to injury …  the answer is I truly don’t believe I’m worth any more than that. I don’t believe I’ll ever be enough to make a guy get it right.

Well I looked around my life today and I felt so stupid because here I am putting up with bullshit and giving myself to someone to feel loved in return when in reality I already have a man in my life who never lets me down, makes me smile everyday, picks me up when I feel down, motivates me, loves me more than anyone, appreciates me, adores me, needs me and never ever hurts my feelings …  my son.

Is that going to be enough for the rest of my life? Well no, not for either of us, but for now … until I work it out and get it right… it’s more than enough.

*rant over*

Aimless and Lost

The last couple of days have been rough to say the least. My head feels like it’s in a million different places, processing multiple theories and running down a gazillion different trails of thought. I’m tired and I can’t keep up.

What do you do when you want to be with someone but you’ve finally stopped burying your head in the sand and the reality of it is you’re just not compatible enough?

Ok so you laugh at the same things,you both like the same clothes, the same food, your families love each other, you love like best friends and you fight like siblings … but your values and beliefs are different. What do you do the

When a part of you really doesn’t want to let go because for the first time ever you’ve met a man that you truly believe won’t cheat on you and won’t run around with a million other women any chance he gets, but a larger part of you is ready to run a mile because you’ve both wasted enough time as it is…

I don’t know what you’re supposed to do or feel in this situation … I feel lost.

 

 

What Doesn’t Add, Subtracts.

People who do not ADD anything to your life, SUBTRACT from your life. Like it or don’t like it, that’s the truth.

Who might people that ‘add’ to your life be? They would be the people that make you laugh, make you smile, encourage you, motivate you, constructively criticise you, educate you, teach you, assist you with growth as a person, cry with you, talk to you… people that have a reason for being in your life. Whether you speak to that person once every 10 years or not, or every hour of every single day is irrelevant. What matters is that person has a beneficial purpose for remaining in your life.

People that ‘subtract’ from your life? Anybody who does not fit into the above category!

Harsh?

Maybe fucking so… but it’s the truth I’m afraid!

I’m sick of people who don’t bring shit to the table but still got their cutlery ready to eat!

Why allow people who can’t be bothered to have a positive purpose in your life to remain there? The people that you rarely chat to but as soon as you see their number on your phone you know “they want something” … FUCK them, delete, erase and cut them out of your life. Or what about the people that want to be in your life, but only when it suits them …? NO FUCK THAT.. good riddance!

A lot of people spend too much time focused on the negative aspects of their life, entertaining drama they don’t want, caused by people they don’t need, to sit and complain about it to people who DON’T want to hear it!

My advice?

Allllllllll the way forget that, let the drama have several seats and escort those that are, always have been and always will be unnecessary additions to the story of your life.

That is all.

My New Boo…

I have fallen in love all over again … with … wait for it …

ELLE VARNER.

She’s just ridiculous! Her talent is so effortless and genius and her beauty matches it exactly! Her newest song “Not Tonight” is my favourite, not sure if it’s the newest song everywhere but I’m in the UK and I’ve only heard it recently … maybe i’m being slow but so what.

listen and love

Single Motherhood Plus New Business?

Do the two even combine? Do they really go together?

I mean yes and no. Of course yes they go together because they allow you the opportunity to build a business that means you can be flexible around your children, you don’t have to worry about spending hours and hours in the office, taking that time away from your kids just to get ahead… instead you can somewhat create your own hours, work as much or as little as you need to and of course your earning potential is whatever you make it.

But then no because it is hard enough to find time to go to your normal job when you have kids, let alone to start a whole new one from scratch, you possibly end up giving your kids less time than if you did work a 9-5 and financially… is it really secure enough?

The answers to these questions I don’t know … they are questions I ask myself about 1000 times a day … but truth be told, I’m never going to know the answer until I try right?

So I’ve wanted to do this business since I was 18 years old… never been fearless enough to do it until I had my son.  Well now he’s here and I’m fearless…

Business plan … sorted
Financial forecast … sorted
Funding … sorted

Roll on execution … Everything is where it should be, the time is right, my mind is in the best possible place and my life is ready for change.

Something like this shall be all mineee shortly.