When you’re constantly faced with the same issues but with different people … surely that means the problem is being born from me?
I’m a firm believer in the thought that if you are experiencing the same issues with all the men/women that enter your life, then the real likely problem is you because it isn’t a coincidence that these people with the same intentions and traits have wormed their way into your life. The truth of the matter is, these people that are causing you such unhappiness are, one in your life because you attracted them and therefore invited them into your life, and secondly and equally as importantly, because you have allowed them to be.
Did you walk around with a sandwich board on your chest that read “if you’re a lying, cheating, using, manipulative, asshole that wants to take advantage of my good nature then call me on …” … No. Well at least I hope not. But indirectly, with your actions, the behaviour you accepted and didn’t correct, with the things you did and didn’t demand, you attracted the person that is behaving in the way you dislike into your life, into your heart and into a space they had no business being in.
At least that’s what I’ve done.
I’ve attracted and allowed someone into my life who in essence, has consistently displayed the same ‘qualities’ (for lack of a better word) as the man before him. Although my most recent partner hasn’t left me with a child on my own, not giving a fuck about whether he eats, has clothes, has a roof over his head, although he hasn’t done that … he still takes me for granted, doesn’t show his appreciation for me and generally does things because he feels like he can get away with it, all things my sons dad did over and over again.
I think it only made sense to me tonight why I’ve ended up with another guy who is so much like the guy who broke my heart, set it on fire and then pissed on it to add insult to injury … the answer is I truly don’t believe I’m worth any more than that. I don’t believe I’ll ever be enough to make a guy get it right.
Well I looked around my life today and I felt so stupid because here I am putting up with bullshit and giving myself to someone to feel loved in return when in reality I already have a man in my life who never lets me down, makes me smile everyday, picks me up when I feel down, motivates me, loves me more than anyone, appreciates me, adores me, needs me and never ever hurts my feelings … my son.
Is that going to be enough for the rest of my life? Well no, not for either of us, but for now … until I work it out and get it right… it’s more than enough.